Well, dear readers, it’s been too long, so….I’m bringing blogging back.

I’ve actually developed a stash of unhealthy foreign snacks, some with names I don’t understand (Flemish- what a language. It’s like the Magic Eye of languages- if you stare at it long enough you start to see words you’re familiar with).  I’m going to renew my public service describing this cornucopia of junk. Junkucopia.

My next two posts will review junk foods designed to taste like distinct dishes (a la Wonka gum). First up are these “Bolognese” flavored Hula Hoops made by Croky in Belgium.  Belgium is home to a diverse array of uniquely flavored snacks. You can choose from pickle-flavored chips, good ‘ol continental paprika chips, Cheetos and Doritos in unfamiliar shapes, and whatever these are (review forthcoming).

(Doesn’t that parrot remind you of Christopher Walken as The Continental?)

The obvious first question is whether these hoops actually tasted like Bolognese sauce.  Would a weary traveler looking forward to room service spaghetti find these as comforting?  The answer is no.  They’re weirdly smoky and remind me more of paprika chips than Bolognese. However, I should note that the definition of “Bolognese” has been a subject of some debate in the UK as of late.

According to the trash news Apple puts at the bottom of my work phone news feed, Mary Berry (not to be confused with Marion Barry), recommended that Bolognese could be prepared with “shocking” ingredients like cream. Considering that English grocery stores think heavy cream is the second ingredient behind avocados in guacamole, I find this complaining a bit…rich.  I reviewed this controversial recipe, and it looked delicious. I understand that Italian chefs want to maintain the purity of their traditional dishes, but I also support the integration of other ingredients. I wonder how these outraged chefs would react to the Olive Garden’s menu, developed at the Tuscan Institute – progenitor of such innovations as Lasagna Fritta and Crispy Risotto Bites (pictured below).  I’m all for preserving cultural heritage, but I can’t lie and pretend that I don’t also enjoy faux Italian food.  I also make nachos with a roux. Don’t judge me.

p.s. I miss you, Olive Garden, you and your unlimited salad and breadsticks.